Ever notice how quickly you can shift from feeling inspired to feeling attached?
A sudden, intense drive to make things happen a particular way takes over and inspiration is nowhere to be found; gone like the breath you took 10 seconds ago.
You fixate on a goal and suffer when it’s taking longer than you wanted or expected.
Pretty funny if you can get back to the realization that you made it all up to begin with!
Maybe you. . .
- Obsess about your progress until you give yourself a headache
- Try forcing the outcome thereby pissing off everyone involved
- Refuse to quit, even though everything in you is saying “let it go”
- Exhibit a dog-with-a-bone-like determination. Grrrrr, get out of my way!
So what’s a results oriented, bottom-line human doing supposed to do when it’s not about the doing? Don’t get me wrong.
I love brainstorming, creating visions, feeling the warm and fuzzies of a satisfying dream.
But I’m also driven by a deep desire to produce results; that’s where the juice is and I know I’m not the only one to feel this way.
You’ve probably heard:
- Keep your eye on the prize
- Get clear on what you want
- Use SMART goal setting
- blah, blah, blah. . .
Newsflash: Those all have a potential down side – tunnel vision, which can lead to missing out on the small wins and satisfaction along the way.
This can in turn lead to a feeling of “Is that all there is?” even when you eventually reach your outcome.
I’ve experienced this (no one’s immune) and observed it in a whole lot of clients.
So, I came up with an alternative to the driven, gotta-produce-results-at-any-cost way of being!
It came out of a desire to help my clients acknowledge themselves.
It’s a process people sometimes resist at first, because how often in life are you invited, encouraged even, to appreciate yourself, to toot your own horn, to shine your light and say, “Hey, look at me!”
Very. Very. Rarely.
Instead, we ask ourselves,
“Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” – Marianne Williamson
We’re taught to focus on what’s not working so that we can toughen up, improve and set our sights higher.
One of my first mentors said to me, “Sandi, if you treated your friends the way you treat yourself, you’d have no friends.”
Ouch. I can still feel the sting (and the truth) of that statement 15 years later, and I was reminded of it yesterday during a conversation with a friend who speaks to me with such loving, supportive words it’s almost hard for me to take in.
I am hard on myself in the way of a football coach driven to win the championship game. It’s not pleasant, and it’s an ongoing challenge.
This might also explain my passion for ensuring that others, YOU, appreciate and love yourself for who you are, not just for what you do or don’t do.
When was the last time you celebrated who you are or cheered on the progress you’ve made on (insert your favourite goal, project, commitment) here?
When was the last time you really gave yourself encouragement to keep going? I’m thinking now’s the time.
We are ALL meant to shine. All of us.
This has become one of my favourite things to do with clients, because truthfully…it always freaks them out a little and I love that!
1. Think of something you’ve been working on in your life; something you’re committed to.
2. As if you were an objective observer, review what’s happened and debrief your progress.
3. Ask yourself what worked, what didn’t work, what happened along the way.
No judgment. No make wrong. Just observation.
4. Now grab a piece of paper and complete the following statements with regard to this same area:
- I learned. . .
- I remembered. . .
- I discovered. . .
- I realized. . .
- I was surprised. . .
- I was pleased. . .
- I am excited. . .
- I enjoyed. . .
- I am most proud of. . .
Here’s what I got when I did the exercise myself, reviewing the past few months since launching this blog:
- I learned. . .a hell of a lot about WordPress, blogging, writing, and keeping my word to myself
- I remembered. . .I’ve always loved to write
- I discovered. . .the more I write, the more I want to write
- I realized. . .writing and blogging can become a part of my business model
- I was surprised. . .to get positive feedback early on (Thank you, thank you, thank you!)
- I was pleased. . .to connect with so many awesome people
- I am excited. . .to grow my blog and attend my first blogging and/or social media conference this year
- I enjoyed. . .connecting with so many cool, generous, supportive people on Twitter (thank you UnMarketing for reminding me it’s about relationships!)
What did you notice as you filled in the blanks?
I’ve noticed a pattern, over and over:
A hesitant start, then a shift to practicality and finally surrendering to the aliveness and satisfaction that comes from acknowledging yourself! My clients typically notice they’ve come a lot further than they thought, and they’ve almost always learned more than they bargained for – kind of a bonus that no one expects!
Over to you:
Go back and complete the exercise if you haven’t. I promise, it’s totally worth it.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
– Marianne Williamson