Zero Judgement, All Love

Zero Judgement

Shit happens. Unexpected upsets occur. People let you down.

React or respond.

Shut down or share your truth.

One truth is, you always have a choice.

Those moments of challenge life hands us are opportunities to grow. Even when they suck.

Some days the urge is strong to shut down, protect myself, and say, fuck it, I’ve had enough.

Those are the moments that shake me to the core, and remind me that I get to choose how I want to live my life.

No one else has a say, including people who love me.

I do not want to live a shut down life.

I will not trade my passion and self-expression for safety and security.

It is the cause of dis-ease, which I’m sure given enough time becomes disease of a more common kind.

I choose to live consciously, as awake and open as I can.

My choice to live the way I want requires no approval.

“If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you: I am here to live out loud.” 

Emile Zola’s words resonate, squeeze my heart, and remind me of something I’ve known for a very long time.

I am here to live out loud.

Unapologetically, free to choose, moment by moment.

Today choose love.

Love the upset. Love the people. And most of all, love yourself more.

Zero judgement, all love.

Imagine the possibilities.

 

Freedom Always Follows Truth

Freedom always follows truth

Today, like most days, I pulled two cards to start my day.

My go-to deck of Truthbombs reminded me of something I’ve forgotten in the busyness of the past few months.

Freedom always follows truth.

And then, because it seemed I needed a second reminder, truth-telling came up in an interview, and I heard myself say how vital it is to my life and work.

Dear Universe, I got the message, loud and clear.

In that moment, I realized it was time to come clean, to tell the truth about what I want – now, at this moment in my life.

Not last year, not even six months ago. Now.

What I want might take a little ruthless compassion focused on the woman in the mirror. And it might take making changes to my schedule, stretching me out of my comfort zone yet again.

That’s the truth that’s been niggling at me, and also what I’ve avoided.

Because really, do I have to keep growing and expanding myself?

Yes, I do. I am clear that’s part of my work in this lifetime.

How do I know this is true? Because I suffer when I stop growing. I suffer when things become stagnant, routine, and draining.

And more importantly, I thrive when I’m challenged to grow.

It’s not that difficult to tell the truth.

Telling the truth feels so damn good. Have you noticed?

It’s the feeling of sweet relief; a kind of grace that washes over me, a balm to my soul.

If it feels so good, why don’t we do it more often?

Because no one wants to look bad.

“Hey there, let me tell you how I lied to myself and got through it.” – Said no one ever.

Sometimes, lying looks like not telling the whole truth, and then we rationalize it away because it’s not like we actually lied.

Except we did.

To ourselves, and holy fuck, there’s a wake-up call.

Wake up to the truth.

In that interview I spoke of forgiveness, and how it relates to self-compassion. It’s easy to get caught up in self-recrimination when we slip from our commitments, and veer away from the truth.

But what if instead we simply acknowledge what’s there?

No judgement, all love.

The truth is I want writing to be where I turn to work things out and create; not a sometime event linked to a looming deadline.

The truth is I want my business to reach more people; and I want that more than I want to believe the old stories about how it’s not possible.

And the truth is I love the busyness that sometimes gets in the way.

I love having my time and energy focused on projects and goals that will, in some way, change the world.

But that truth felt too big, too audacious, too fucking huge for me to admit.

The truth is I want all of this, and more.

 

And suddenly… sweet relief, and freedom.

No judgement, all love.

 

Thinking Out Loud

Thinking Out Loud is a collection of thoughts, notes to myself, and inspirations from the first quarter of 2015.

Desire Map Workshop Level 2-39

Give your desires attention; follow up with action.

If it doesn’t feel good why do it?

You have to think and act differently if you want to create sustainable change.

Today is always a good day to start.

Breathe in calm. Breathe out angst.

Start where you are.

People change when they’re ready, and not a moment before.

Every thought you think changes your brain in some way.

Going after what you want takes a willingness to be brave.

Multitasking is not the answer. Ever.

There’s nowhere to get to, there’s only the day by day evolution.

When you know your values and core desired feelings, it’s easier to live in integrity.

It takes courage to work through the shit that weighs you down.

Do your thing, and ignore the rest.

Finding your way with ruthless compassion is an ongoing process.

In the practice you will find your way.

Change is natural and inevitable.

Desire must be followed by action.

When you discover the right practices, routine becomes ritual, and ritual becomes devotion.

It takes guts to tell the truth, and heart to show self-compassion.

We’re in this together, but we’re all walking our own path.

Trust yourself. Trust your answers.

Choosing love is a practice. Don’t take the choice for granted.

Surrender is not a one time event.

Your dreams are not wishful thinking when they’re fueled by your values and core desired feelings.

Knowing isn’t enough. You must do the work of integration if you want to see profound change.

Treat yourself the way you treat the ones you love the most.

Give yourself compassion without reservation.

No matter what kind of change you’re working on, if you focus on it consistently you’ll get results.

Less angst. More calm.

Progress trumps perfection. Every time.

Magic happens when women gather.

Light and dark. Equal power on the path to freedom.

Slow down.

There’s only NOW.

Love yourself the way you love kids and dogs.

Stay fierce.

The path to change is seldom a straight one.

When the discomfort of where you are becomes greater than the discomfort of change, you’re ready to get started.

Go gently towards the new.

Own your life experiences. Good, bad, unwanted or deeply desired. Own them all.

Normal is overrated.

All change begins with your thoughts.

More truth. Less fluff.

Surrender and trust.

Today and always choose to love more.

Surrender. Release. Evolve.

Mind your thoughts.

Every word creates your future.

The heart wants what it wants. Accept that.

The voice in your head is not your conscience.

Layer by layer, we get closer to our desires and what we want the most.

Sometimes you just have to say WTF…and let it go as you exhale fully.

Less striving. More surrender.

Make creating your day a priority.

You can’t do everything. Stop trying.

The practice of choosing how you want to feel every day is simple, but damn, it’s not always easy.

You can have things planned to a T, and still have them go wildly wrong. It’s what you do then that matters.

Do more of what feels good.

Less comparison. More self-expression.

Tell your limiting beliefs to fuck off.

Assume the best.

Be relentless like the sea.

 

 

The Practice of Ruthless Compassion

I used to be all about making things happen.

It worked for a long time, until it stopped and I felt the inner exhaustion that followed. I did it so long it became my default way of getting through the challenges of life.

I tried to change but the alternative felt too soft, like I was letting myself off the hook.

“True compassion has nothing to do with being nice and everything to do with doing the right thing for ourselves and others.” – Dr. Marcia Sirota

Doing the right thing for others was usually easier than doing the right thing for myself, and of course, it felt so very virtuous.

Ruthless Compassion #truthbomb, rose quartz

Cue Ruthless Compassion

RUTHLESS: unrelenting, adamant, relentless

Ruthless is kind of a brutal honesty that doesn’t back down. It’s also the starting point when we get real.

Can you be ruthless about:

  • what’s working
  • what’s not working
  • what you want
  • what you desire

In the Desire Map workshops I’ve led recently what shows up is a discomfort with acknowledging these truths. And even though we may not be happy with the current reality, it’s familiar and safe.

It takes guts to tell the truth.

THIS is when it calls for being ruthless with ourselves; relentless for our soul’s deepest desires.

COMPASSION: commiseration, mercy, tenderness, heart

You probably have this in abundance – for others. How about for yourself?

Can you have compassion when you:

  • you slip up
  • forget what you promised
  • turn away from your inner knowing
  • ignore your heart’s longing

It takes heart to show self-compassion.

We are so fucking hard on ourselves and it makes me ache with a sadness that has no words. I know this sadness much too well.

“When a human being has thoroughly experienced his or her own basic rawness, there is no room to manipulate the situation. We just go forward and present the truth quite fearlessly. We can be what we are, in a very straightforward and basic way.” – Atalwin Pilon

What if you could be relentless with heart?

Undaunting with tenderness?

Unrelenting with kindness?

Finding your way with ruthless compassion is an ongoing process.

For me it is a practice of honouring my word to myself and allowing my core desired feelings to guide me.

It’s not easy, and some days I just want to get shit done, get it over with, and do ALL THE THINGS myself.

The cost of this way of being is no longer acceptable.

So I practice. Shifting from ruthless to compassionate and back to centre.

In the practice we find our way.

 

 

On Expectations (and the promise of 2015)

expectation (noun)

: 1530s, from Middle French expectation or directly from Latin “anticipation, an awaiting”

It’s a shame that having expectations is so often perceived as negative.

Imagine shifting to the original meaning, “anticipation and awaiting”.

It reminds me of when a woman is pregnant and expecting. There’s a certainty that at the end of nine months she will give birth.

What if you brought that same sense of expecting to your life?

What would you give birth to this year?

“Promise yourself… To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.” – Christian D. Larson

For me, 2015 is truly a year where many of the expectations I’ve had are coming to life.

The anticipation has been building and I hardly have words for what this feels like.

On the one hand it’s overwhelming because really, why do all the seeds I’ve planted the past year have to sprout ALL AT THE SAME TIME?

On the other hand, I am so freakin’ grateful I can hardly breathe.

This is what happens when you do the work. When you show up day after day, even and especially when you don’t feel like it.

The practice of showing up for your life in this way always makes a difference. It can’t not do so.

This work of growing and living a life you love isn’t easy, but it IS the catalyst for growth.

It is what fuels the imaginal cells to complete the transformation, making the pain of change worthwhile.

Maya Angelou said, “If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?”

On that note, here’s what you can expect from me in 2015:

More Desire

: My passion for helping you reclaim your experience of freedom in life is fed by my work with values and core desired feelings. It has been a privilege to lead the Desire Map revolution with Danielle LaPorte and her amazing team.

The coming year is paved for more collaborations and in-person retreats beginning with two retreats in April in the UK. Desire and embodiment are at the heart of these workshops.

More Writing

: With almost twenty years of experience and active participation in the world of personal development, I’ve got a lot to share and the time has come. I’ll be revamping my blog, getting more clear on specific topics and how I can be of service to you.

I’ve also begun work on a book that will bring together what I’ve learned about creating sustainable, effective change. Spring 2015 is about publishing!

More Promise

: The ability to change effectively and sustainably over time is essential to the work of personal growth. If we don’t make this a priority we’ll keep spending time and money on books and programs that ultimately make no difference.

It’s that simple. And that essential.

The next 100 Day Promise begins January 1, 2016 with the theme Living Abundance.

Last but not least…

More Love

I love this work with my heart and soul. I love how it connects me to you.

It’s easy and habitual to succumb to our fears. This year let’s practice choosing love together.

 

Thank you for being here.

Sandi Amorim signature

 

We Must Move Into Love

“To transcend fear we must move somewhere else emotionally; we must move into love.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

We must move into love, and in doing so we make it an active choice rather than an intellectual one.

We’ve heard the call to choose love over fear.

Has it worked for you? Because I’ll admit I’m starting to get that choosing isn’t enough.

And so I did, mostly because I pride myself on walking my talk, but also because I reached out and asked for help.

Some time ago, I began thinking about shooting video, but every time I thought of it my entire being clenched, gripped by the fear of putting myself out there in a new way.

It felt dangerous and vulnerable.

I let myself feel the fear, and I even began to question it, examining it from various angles.

One day I found myself reaching out and asking a friend for support. He was brilliant in that he didn’t just give me advice on how to make videos.  He showed up on my doorstep with his equipment and proceeded to record our conversation for two hours.

Two hours of facing my fear, and moving into love.

Two hours of talking about love and fear and freedom, and other topics I’m passionate about.

At some point I realized I’d almost forgotten about the cameras I was so into our conversation.

I realized that love and fear can’t coexist.

We can never feel them at the same time. It’s impossible.

I realized that choosing love is only the first step.

Moving into love must follow, an ongoing practice that breathes life into us when we most need it.

In saying yes to doing the video, I chose love over fear.

In sharing it here with you, I move into love once again.

Because to keep this to myself goes against how I want to live my life.

I want you to get, just like I did, that I’m OK exactly the way I am.

If I want to help others reclaim their freedom, I have to make the move into love, over and over and over again.

It’s not a one-time thing.

And I am reminded of Marianne Williamson’s prayer,

Dear God,

Help me today to choose love over fear, that I might work miracles for myself and others. Where I am tempted to attack or defend, please guide my mind to a gentler place.

Amen.  

Don’t Give Up

 

It’s darkest before the dawn.

It’s a cliché, but it’s also the truth, and similarly breakdowns usually precede the greatest breakthroughs.

breakdown, [noun]
a breaking down, wearing out, or sudden loss of ability to function efficiently.

We resist the breakdown, seeing it as failure, a judgment of who we are and what we’re capable of.

But maybe you’re just worn out. Maybe seeing it from this perspective would help you be more loving, more compassionate with yourself.

When the breakdown happens we feel desperate, lost, afraid, and one more action, one more try feels Herculean.

This is the moment that tests us beyond what we think is possible, because in this moment it seems the only path is to stop, quit, let go of the dream.

This is the moment to face your fear – the one that crowds everything else out of your mind, body, and spirit.

Don’t give up.

You’re not beaten yet.

“I wanted to teach myself some life lessons at the age of 60 and one of them was that you don’t give up.” – Diana Nyad

Let the turmoil within you stoke the fire of your emotions to fuel your next step, even if it feels small.

Do what you have to do to feel good, even if only for moments at a time.

Your dreams and desires deserve this effort.

Don’t give up.

Ask for what you want.

Ask for support.

Ask again.

Just don’t give up.

 

* it takes strength to be gentle and kind: photo credit – Nicole (Briant) Melton

Feeling Joy, Finding Ananda

 

In grade 2, my best friend was Barb, a girl of Scottish descent who loved books, reading, creativity, and play.

We were devoted to each other, and spent most of our free time together.

Picture two pig-tailed girls, devouring books, dreaming dreams, and writing stories together.

I loved her with all of my 7-year-old heart, and was shattered when her family moved away.

We promised to keep in touch, and for a couple of years we did but it was hard. Her new neighbourhood seemed so far away, much too far to navigate by bike or by bus on our own.

But for those years we lived one street apart?

Our friendship consisted of total devotion to each other, and joy at our shared interests.

It was bliss.

Which got me thinking about happiness.

Ananda Hum doodle with pen, ink, and Pixlr

Deepak Chopra (and many wisdom traditions) say that happiness is our true nature.

I knew that as a child; I think we all do.

As an adult however, my skeptical brain sometimes gets in the way of this truth, and I question the joy that was once so natural and normal.

“Happiness is part of who we are. Joy is the feeling.” ― Tony DeLiso

As I begin another round of meditation with the Chopra Center, I’m thinking of joy and happiness and how elusive they can sometimes be. 

And I wonder…

What would it take to return to that state of joy?

For me it would take embracing happiness as a way of being.

No striving or earning necessary.

People don’t talk about bliss. I think we worry that it seems selfish.

Who am I to want bliss when so much of the world is at war, and suffering?

But wanting to feel happiness is not selfish; it is a human desire to return to the essence of our true nature.

Joy

Bliss

Happiness

Happiness is our true nature; all I have to do is think back to those days with my best friend Barb to remember.

I also think it takes a commitment, for in the busyness of life, we forget – I know I do.

 

 

Choose love, and have it be that simple.

Crush your fear.

Become fearless.

An inspiring rallying cry in the personal development world.

Or is it?

Does it really motivate you to hear “be fearless,” when time after time your dreams and desires are shut down by fear? Or does the call to fearlessness leave you in doubt that you could ever be that bold?

Just because we hear something a lot doesn’t make it right or true, or even helpful. That it is believed and widespread doesn’t make it useful or effective in the reality of day-to-day living.

Because the truth I’ve learned is that becoming fearless isn’t the point; nor is mastering your fear.

That’s just ego talking, doing it’s best to stop you.

Fear has its uses – survival for one – and it keeps us from doing stupid things, but the thing we don’t often hear is that fear can even lead you to a positive outcome.

What if leaning into your fear is what sets you free? 

Hard to believe? Challenging your beliefs? Stay with me.

When I launched my business almost 15 years ago, I was afraid.

When I got married after heartbreak in my first relationship, I was terrified.

When I learned how to scuba dive, I was so scared I could hardly breathe.

When I faced a video camera for the first time? Heart-racing, deer-in-headlights fear.

I was wracked with fear every single time.

I certainly didn’t ‘crush it’ or eliminate fear from my life. Instead, I tested it, leaning in to see where it would lead me.

That video recording I mentioned?

Yeah, that happened recently, and I can still hardly believe I did it.

For some time, I’ve thought of doing video, every time coming to the conclusion that it wasn’t for me.

I’m not a video person.
I don’t feel comfortable in front of a camera.
I don’t want to do what everyone else is doing.

A few my logical reasons for saying no.

Then I asked myself what was choosing to say no – love or fear?

Fear – deep and dark – a fear of being seen in a new way. Exposed. Vulnerable. I wanted to run and hide, get away from my discomfort.

So I did the opposite, leaning into it as far as I could. And the most amazing thing happened.

Love showed up and said yes.

Choose Love: photo credit - Sandi Amorim

Love for my work, and connecting to people.

Love for the friend who offered to record my first video, and help me face my fear.

Love for myself, and my desire to keep growing and stretching beyond what I think is possible.

I chose love, and it said yes.

Two hours flew by while we talked about life, and vulnerability, and why the general advice to be fearless is fucked. I talked about how scared I was to do this with him.

Two hours of recording that showed me that being afraid and being filmed (or being afraid while being filmed) was something I could lean into rather than avoid.

Instead of crushing fear, I chose love.

Can it be that simple?

Yes.

Simple, and not always easy, but I’m willing to practice.

Choose love, and have it be that simple.

 

p.s. Video to come, so stay tuned.

 

Take What You Need

Take What You eed

“What do your words, your heart and art, need?” she asked.

When you ask questions for a living as I do, it’s easy to forget to ask yourself and like the cobbler’s children I sometimes go without.

In taking care of others, we ignore or suppress what we ourselves need so very much.

What do you need? 

For me, there are essential ingredients to this recipe of need. They are simple, and yet often just beyond my reach in the busyness of life.

time

silence

depth

touch

laughter

Because I need them, I expect them to be there naturally, auto-magically. Sadly, it doesn’t work that way.

My need calls for devotion, but that’s only part of it for as Isabel Abbott reminds me,

Devotion is not the answer, or any answer. It is orientation, a way of being in the world, of giving ourselves over to belonging to life, and letting life love us. It is a way of being here.

Here, where we might take our legion hearts and choose this life, again and again and again.

Again and again and again.

Ahh, sweet life, you bring me back to choice once more.

Taking care of our needs is a choice, but it’s not a one-time thing.

It’s the daily act of checking in with heart and soul, while giving the head a break.

Because it’s easy to ask what the head needs, and it’s quick to give a reply, an opinion, a judgment, usually focused on some aspect of survival.

Which is good except for this one important truth…

Your survival is rarely at stake.

Even during the most challenging, wrenching times of your life, your survival was rarely an issue.

Telling the truth about that will lead you back to your heart where your deepest needs are waiting.

“What do your words, your heart and art, need?” she asked.

My words need time and space.

My heart needs love, always love.

My art needs to remember.

Telling the truth changes everything.

 

*Inspired by Isabel Abbott’s: heat – 27 days of creative burn