You Have to Say Yes When You’re Called

Truth: It doesn’t matter what you want more of.

It matters that you want it and you’re now aware of discomfort.

Something has to change in order to get what you want.

It’s uncomfortable because this awareness can either spur you to action, or hold you in a state of suffering.

The contrast between how you feel in the present, and how you want to feel in the future can be vast – think Grand Canyon vast – and this realization can leave you spinning in doubt and resignation.

Your task in this moment isn’t to leap across the Grand Canyon.

Your task is to decide how you want to feel, because feeling even just a little bit better helps you see more opportunities and make better choices.

It’s not as complicated as we make it.

You have to keep at it, choosing how you want to feel and taking action to feel that way more often and more consistently. Until one day you find yourself on the other side of the Canyon wondering how the hell you got there.

I’ll tell you how you got there…

One step, one feeling at a time.

“Knowing how you actually want to feel is the most potent form of clarity that you can have.” – Danielle LaPorte

Your dreams can feel like the Grand Canyon – huge and out of reach.

Say Yes

You need to bring them closer; hold them intimately instead of seeing them out there, a distant someday vision.

Too often you put your dreams on hold, but at what cost?

Your dreams can’t wait for someday. They can’t wait for you to get over your fear.

Being fearless isn’t the point.

Fear doesn’t give a fuck how you feel.

Fear is only focused on keeping you safe, stopping you in any way it can.

It whispers seductively…

Do it when you have the money.
Say yes when you’ve lost the weight.
Put yourself out there when your life is more manageable.

It prods you to set aside your dream – just for now it says – but now turns into forever as you wait for the right time.

Truth: That may never happen. It may never be the right time or the right conditions. 

We wait for the right guy, the job, the baby. We wait for the perfect moment that never comes. And we miss out.

We have to stop waiting, and start listening to our longings and desires.

We have to say yes when we’re called.

Because the truth is you may never feel ready, and your fear feeds on that. 

We Must Move Into Love

“To transcend fear we must move somewhere else emotionally; we must move into love.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

We must move into love, and in doing so we make it an active choice rather than an intellectual one.

We’ve heard the call to choose love over fear.

Has it worked for you? Because I’ll admit I’m starting to get that choosing isn’t enough.

And so I did, mostly because I pride myself on walking my talk, but also because I reached out and asked for help.

Some time ago, I began thinking about shooting video, but every time I thought of it my entire being clenched, gripped by the fear of putting myself out there in a new way.

It felt dangerous and vulnerable.

I let myself feel the fear, and I even began to question it, examining it from various angles.

One day I found myself reaching out and asking a friend for support. He was brilliant in that he didn’t just give me advice on how to make videos.  He showed up on my doorstep with his equipment and proceeded to record our conversation for two hours.

Two hours of facing my fear, and moving into love.

Two hours of talking about love and fear and freedom, and other topics I’m passionate about.

At some point I realized I’d almost forgotten about the cameras I was so into our conversation.

I realized that love and fear can’t coexist.

We can never feel them at the same time. It’s impossible.

I realized that choosing love is only the first step.

Moving into love must follow, an ongoing practice that breathes life into us when we most need it.

In saying yes to doing the video, I chose love over fear.

In sharing it here with you, I move into love once again.

Because to keep this to myself goes against how I want to live my life.

I want you to get, just like I did, that I’m OK exactly the way I am.

If I want to help others reclaim their freedom, I have to make the move into love, over and over and over again.

It’s not a one-time thing.

And I am reminded of Marianne Williamson’s prayer,

Dear God,

Help me today to choose love over fear, that I might work miracles for myself and others. Where I am tempted to attack or defend, please guide my mind to a gentler place.

Amen.  

Choose love, and have it be that simple.

Crush your fear.

Become fearless.

An inspiring rallying cry in the personal development world.

Or is it?

Does it really motivate you to hear “be fearless,” when time after time your dreams and desires are shut down by fear? Or does the call to fearlessness leave you in doubt that you could ever be that bold?

Just because we hear something a lot doesn’t make it right or true, or even helpful. That it is believed and widespread doesn’t make it useful or effective in the reality of day-to-day living.

Because the truth I’ve learned is that becoming fearless isn’t the point; nor is mastering your fear.

That’s just ego talking, doing it’s best to stop you.

Fear has its uses – survival for one – and it keeps us from doing stupid things, but the thing we don’t often hear is that fear can even lead you to a positive outcome.

What if leaning into your fear is what sets you free? 

Hard to believe? Challenging your beliefs? Stay with me.

When I launched my business almost 15 years ago, I was afraid.

When I got married after heartbreak in my first relationship, I was terrified.

When I learned how to scuba dive, I was so scared I could hardly breathe.

When I faced a video camera for the first time? Heart-racing, deer-in-headlights fear.

I was wracked with fear every single time.

I certainly didn’t ‘crush it’ or eliminate fear from my life. Instead, I tested it, leaning in to see where it would lead me.

That video recording I mentioned?

Yeah, that happened recently, and I can still hardly believe I did it.

For some time, I’ve thought of doing video, every time coming to the conclusion that it wasn’t for me.

I’m not a video person.
I don’t feel comfortable in front of a camera.
I don’t want to do what everyone else is doing.

A few my logical reasons for saying no.

Then I asked myself what was choosing to say no – love or fear?

Fear – deep and dark – a fear of being seen in a new way. Exposed. Vulnerable. I wanted to run and hide, get away from my discomfort.

So I did the opposite, leaning into it as far as I could. And the most amazing thing happened.

Love showed up and said yes.

Choose Love: photo credit - Sandi Amorim

Love for my work, and connecting to people.

Love for the friend who offered to record my first video, and help me face my fear.

Love for myself, and my desire to keep growing and stretching beyond what I think is possible.

I chose love, and it said yes.

Two hours flew by while we talked about life, and vulnerability, and why the general advice to be fearless is fucked. I talked about how scared I was to do this with him.

Two hours of recording that showed me that being afraid and being filmed (or being afraid while being filmed) was something I could lean into rather than avoid.

Instead of crushing fear, I chose love.

Can it be that simple?

Yes.

Simple, and not always easy, but I’m willing to practice.

Choose love, and have it be that simple.

 

p.s. Video to come, so stay tuned.

 

A Few Truths on Fear Busting

You think fear sounds like truth, and then you take action that comes from a lie.

But when you pay attention to how things feels in your body, you start to realize that truth lives in vulnerability and fear is a lie.

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.” – Brené Brown

The fear that spins round and round in your brain is not truth, but you live like it is.

Then you keep telling that worn out story because it’s more comfortable than the unknown.

There’s shame in admitting that, so you pretend that you’re fine, that you’re not really paralysed by fear, and you live, metaphorically speaking, in a dark and scary neighbourhood.

That’s what your head is – a dark and scary part of town, that no one in their right mind would choose willingly.

fun and terror with shadows

Years go by, youur dreams fall by the wayside, and you settle for what’s known and secure and you decide that dreams are for other people.

Until one day someone asks, “What dreams did you have for your life?” and a wistful look appears, your voice softens and you speak long suppressed words.

I once dreamed of…

  • writing a book
  • becoming a singer
  • owning a restaurant
  • travelling the world

You give your head a shake, and laugh at your youthful desires.

What the fuck happened to those dreams?

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An Invitation to the Bold Life

 

Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Things

Be bold, be brave and move forward with a peaceful and loving heart. Make your life matter!

Now that is a call to action that stirs the soul and I’m not surprised to find it on Tess Marshall’s About page!

Tess is all about facing down your fears and living a bold life. Her passion and integrity inspire, as does her willingness to share her experience generously through her work and her writing.

She is a writer, speaker, and courage coach with a master’s degree in counseling psychology, but she’s also a down-to-earth woman with a welcoming smile and a great laugh. I had the good fortune to meet Tess in person last year and she’s become a trusted online friend.

It’s been awhile since my last spotlight, but when I heard Tess was launching a new program, 30 Days of Bold, I knew right away I had to get her here. When you read her writing, her passion for supporting people in overcoming their fears and living out loud is palpable.

Tess believes, “It’s our responsibility to acknowledge, face, and dissolve our fear.”

In her own life she’s walked the talk dealing with challenges she faced, using them as fuel to create an awesome life for herself, and anyone around her.

I’m delighted to shine the light on Tess Marshall and her passion for The Bold Life.

 

1. Why are you here?

My primary reason for being here is to learn how to love unconditionally.

I can judge how I’m doing by my own peace of Tess Marshall headshotmind and the state of my relationships. Everyone here is my teacher: my family, friends, clients, community, and the entire world.

The love that I have and the love that I give will make the world a better place to be.

2. What is your future calling you to do?

My future self is calling me to play bigger.

Be bolder. Experience more joy. Dissolve fear faster.

And to continue to help others do the same!

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A Graceful Transformation

 

Fear,
It creeps in
from the past,
impacting the future.

Stop. . .
breathe.

Facing fear,
master alongside
leading the way.

Scared,
and stopped
by the past.

By a story,
from long ago.

A belief limiting
what’s possible.

Until I said
enough. . .
and a new possibility
arose.

Until I said
YES to moving
forward.

Stop. . .
breathe.

Sink,
into the unknown.

Gratitude washes ashore.

 

 

A deep well of appreciation for Jason Sugar of Breakthrough Adventures for his joyful spirit and passion for transformation. Learning how to scuba dive was a someday dream held hostage because of the old fear. Until now.

 

Give Your Someday a Date

When was the last time you said yes to something on your life list?

Distinction: A bucket list is considered to be a list made up of things to do before you die, i.e: ‘kick the bucket.’ A life list is made up of things to do while you’re ALIVE. And things that make my heart beat faster should be kept somewhere special. . .not a bucket.

Back to the question…when?

It’s been awhile for me too.

“This is me. And I’m imperfect and I’m vulnerable and I’m afraid sometimes…” – Brené Brown

And then yesterday, I said yes.

YES.

To something that simultaneously terrifies and excites me.

I’m going to learn how to scuba dive.

On October 17 I’ll be joining my friend and colleague Jason Sugar of Breakthrough Adventures and two others in the water.

Jason Sugar of Breakthrough Adventures teaching scuba diving.

That’s Jason on the right teaching and sharing his passion!

Here’s why it’s a big deal…

When I was 8 years old I almost drowned, and while I don’t remember many of the details, I do remember the panic and fear of not being able to breathe.

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Replace Your Fear

It’s time for a wake-up call.

Do you really need to have a health crisis or extreme emergency before pursuing what you want in life?

Many people live that way; it’s normal and common, but do you want to live that way?

Is it really that important to stay safe, look good, and maintain the status quo? None of those things are making you happy or fulfilling your dreams so why are they still getting so much air time?

If I could reach through the screen and give you a nudge I would. Because I’m passionate about living without regrets. And while this may seem like a rant, bear with me – I’m committed to something and I want to make sure you know it.

I’m committed to living out loud, as fully and as authentically as I can and sometimes that gets messy.

I’m OK with messy, and I’ll admit I even like to stir things up.

Occasionally someone will suggest I tone it down a bit (Do you really need to say those things, Sandi?) and sure, I could, but I don’t want to live that way.

I don’t want to live a toned down life, and I don’t think you do either.

Life gets messy. It’ll never be perfect. You’ll never get it all handled. And so what.

I’m not saying it’s easy. Some days I want to throw in the towel and take the easy path just as much if not more than you do.

But the truth is the easy path bores me to tears.

It’s not why we’re here.

I’m talking to you…the one who’s wasting your genius in that life-sucking job.

And you…the one oozing creativity in everything you do except for your work.

And you…the one who daydreams of living a life you love.

Someday. Maybe. Can you hear the death bell toll?

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