We Must Move Into Love

“To transcend fear we must move somewhere else emotionally; we must move into love.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

We must move into love, and in doing so we make it an active choice rather than an intellectual one.

We’ve heard the call to choose love over fear.

Has it worked for you? Because I’ll admit I’m starting to get that choosing isn’t enough.

And so I did, mostly because I pride myself on walking my talk, but also because I reached out and asked for help.

Some time ago, I began thinking about shooting video, but every time I thought of it my entire being clenched, gripped by the fear of putting myself out there in a new way.

It felt dangerous and vulnerable.

I let myself feel the fear, and I even began to question it, examining it from various angles.

One day I found myself reaching out and asking a friend for support. He was brilliant in that he didn’t just give me advice on how to make videos.  He showed up on my doorstep with his equipment and proceeded to record our conversation for two hours.

Two hours of facing my fear, and moving into love.

Two hours of talking about love and fear and freedom, and other topics I’m passionate about.

At some point I realized I’d almost forgotten about the cameras I was so into our conversation.

I realized that love and fear can’t coexist.

We can never feel them at the same time. It’s impossible.

I realized that choosing love is only the first step.

Moving into love must follow, an ongoing practice that breathes life into us when we most need it.

In saying yes to doing the video, I chose love over fear.

In sharing it here with you, I move into love once again.

Because to keep this to myself goes against how I want to live my life.

I want you to get, just like I did, that I’m OK exactly the way I am.

If I want to help others reclaim their freedom, I have to make the move into love, over and over and over again.

It’s not a one-time thing.

And I am reminded of Marianne Williamson’s prayer,

Dear God,

Help me today to choose love over fear, that I might work miracles for myself and others. Where I am tempted to attack or defend, please guide my mind to a gentler place.

Amen.  

Your Resistance is a Sign

Resistance comes up when you decide to change something about yourself.

You create a goal, or make a promise bigger than you know yourself to be, and resistance comes up because in that moment your identity is threatened.

A part of you must die in order for the new part – the change – to come to life.

This is the journey of resistance.

Don’t try to fix it, or change it. Let it be, and let it move through you.

It can’t stay with you unless you feed it.

“Your resistance is a sign that your system is reconfiguring itself toward success.” – Todd Herman

Notice it, yes, because it’s there. Then turn your attention to what you want.

Commit each day to one action in service to your desire, and do what you need to do to feel how you want the outcome to feel.

Deep in the work of creating a new program, I’ve developed practices to fuel my promise, and ease my resistance.

Because that’s all there is to do.

Day by day, resistance lessens and my promise deepens, filling in areas of my being I didn’t know existed.

“When you surrender, the problem ceases to exist. Try to solve it, or conquer it, and you only set up more resistance.” – Henry Miller

It’s a tricky dance: surrender to it without trying to fight or change it.

It takes practice.

Like true mastery always does.

 

 

What are we all so afraid of?

 

When you begin to walk the path from fear to freedom, you’ll notice a shift in energy.

It’s empowering to explore, like an archaeologist digging for answers from the past.

Because really..

What are we all so afraid of?

photo of figure against turbulent black and white sky by Hartwig HKD

Krishnamurti said, “Fear of any kind breeds illusion.” 

This illusion stops us in life, for where we are afraid we are not free.

This illusion keeps us from being with our fears in a way that contributes to our growth and development.

Instead, we try desperately to crush fear, escape it, and worst of all, suppress it – but none of these lead to freedom.

What can you do instead?

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The Transformation of You

 

a new beginning and
all possibilities exist.

imaginal cells resting
inside their cocoon.

cocoon hanging from a branch

resolve is not needed
in this primordial goo.

just rest, trust,
and patience.

one cell,

two,

then many.

a you unlike any other.

the imaginals know
what to do and…

what

not

to do.

the newness of you will
emerge when ready.

a chrysalis falling away…
exposing, releasing.

imaginal you,
the end result assured.

more you than ever before.

Butterfly hanging from a branch

more fully your Self

more fully alive.

this you, not you,

yet perfectly you.

the past is done.
your cocoon, self-imposed,
no longer needed.

take flight.

 

Leaning Into Discomfort

 

Welcome to the discomfort zone.

A place you visit infrequently for all too short periods of time.

Today however, we’re going to get comfortable with discomfort.

Is that even possible?

It absolutely is when you lean into discomfort instead of resisting.

palm trees, Kihei, Maui

It takes leaning into it intentionally because mostly, we’ll do anything to avoid discomfort.

“Discomfort means you’re doing something that others were unlikely to do, because they’re hiding out in the comfortable zone.” – Seth Godin

 Einstein said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.”

I say discomfort is a result of doing something new.

Every time you say yes to something new, discomfort arises. 

And resistance is never far behind.

Your resistance will look like reasons:

  • why you shouldn’t move forward
  • why it was a bad idea in the first place
  • why you should go back to what you were doing before.

So many reasons lulling you to sleep and inaction.

Your lizard brain is like that; it will say anything to get you to stop.

Except, you keep having these thoughts and dreams. . .

Dreams so wondrous they make your heart race.

Trust those dreams, and yourself to take the next step.

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It’s About Time

 

It is time to disrupt your beliefs about time. 

disrupt your beliefs about time; image of antique clocks

1.  “I’m the one that’s got to die when it’s time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.” ― Jimi Hendrix

It’s time. . .to do more of what you want.

And feel how you want to feel in life.

Stop trying to live up to someone else’s expectations.

Stop comparing.

Start living YOUR life the way YOU want.

 

2.  “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” ― Mark Twain

It’s time. . .to stop worrying about the future and what might happen.

The future isn’t real.

It’s completely made up and you, my friend, are the author of that story.

Start saying something new for the life you say you want.

 

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How to Befriend Your Inner Critic

The inner critic, gremlin, nasty voice in your head – whatever you call it, you’ve got one.

Here’s mine.

She’s harmless enough until something I’ve done (or not done) gets her attention and suddenly…

She unleashes a torrent of judgment and furious opinion that leaves me reeling, some days weeping.

She’s me, not me. A tangle of stories and limiting beliefs accumulated over a lifetime.

She lurks, waiting for just the right moment to pull the rug out from under me triggering feelings of lack, disappointment, and doubt.

Her name is Medusa, and like her namesake who struck fear into the hearts of men, one stinging comment or look from her and I am immobilized.

And yet, I do my best to befriend her, to quiet her strident, demanding voice.

Some days this feels like an exercise in futility; other days I get through to her and the result is always worth the effort.

For Medusa (naming your inner critic is powerful) is not the enemy despite the frenzy she stirs up.

She exists for your survival (one more aspect of your lizard brain), ensuring you stay out of trouble, and she has one overriding goal – to keep you safe.

Everything else, including how you feel, is secondary to that goal.

She shows up, uninvited like an over-zealous friend trying to get her point across without regard for your feelings. You know someone like this; their intentions are good, if somewhat clouded by their questionable tactics.

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From Nothing to Something

 

I got nothing.

These words take me by surprise. They lurk – in my awareness and energy.

I don’t like them and I don’t want them here.

Surprising because I’ve just come from a silent retreat that nourished my soul, and provided time to rest and room to breathe.

But no words show up to fill the space.

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” – James Baldwin

Blank Screen Blues - sitting in front of a blank monitor trying to think of something to write!

Until now.

It takes admitting what’s so. Saying the words you don’t want to say.

I got nothing.

You’ve got them too, don’t you? Those times that feel blank, lost, frustrating.

Who wants to admit being there?

Not me.

And yet, I shine the light on this dark, shadowy place; a place we do our best to avoid.

Because here’s the thing about ‘walking the talk’…

You can’t just do it when it looks good.

You can’t just do it when it looks like you’ve got it all handled.

Walking the talk is an ongoing proposition. It takes going deep into the ‘beingness’ of human being.

It’s in those moments when things don’t look or feel good; those moments that call you down to the depths, where all there is to do is. . .

Do. The. Work. 

Until you realize you do have something to share, something to offer and hopefully, make a difference for someone else.

That moment when you get from nothing to something. . .

and remember once again where real transformation lives.

 

 

A Graceful Transformation

 

Fear,
It creeps in
from the past,
impacting the future.

Stop. . .
breathe.

Facing fear,
master alongside
leading the way.

Scared,
and stopped
by the past.

By a story,
from long ago.

A belief limiting
what’s possible.

Until I said
enough. . .
and a new possibility
arose.

Until I said
YES to moving
forward.

Stop. . .
breathe.

Sink,
into the unknown.

Gratitude washes ashore.

 

 

A deep well of appreciation for Jason Sugar of Breakthrough Adventures for his joyful spirit and passion for transformation. Learning how to scuba dive was a someday dream held hostage because of the old fear. Until now.

 

How to Become a State Shifter

 

If you had a simple tool to change your state with ease would you use it?

Imagine a spectrum with your negative feelings about life or a current circumstance on one end, and way over on the opposite end, how you most want to feel.

stateline graphic, 2 arrows pointing in opposite directions

Neither good nor bad. Just neutral.

Where do you typically find yourself on this spectrum?

If you’re human, you’ll have days when it’s a fast and slippery slope to the negative, a.k.a. the dark side.

The problem isn’t that you go there, it’s that you stay.

Sometimes for a brief visit, and sometimes for an extended period that sucks the life right out of you.

And maybe you think there’s not much you can do about it. You react, get caught up in the emotions and in the blink of an eye a week’s gone by and you’ve barely left the house or your jammies.

It doesn’t have to go this way.

Becoming aware of where you are on the spectrum restores your power and ability to choose.

Imagine standing right in the middle, in neutral.

Look to the left – all the dark, negative feelings await like a creature from the black lagoon. Familiar, dark, heavy.

Look to the right – where your most inspired and positive emotions live. Engaged, exciting, light.

And breathe.

Be here in the middle and notice both ends.

“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more.” – Alexandre Dumas

It’s easy to sabotage yourself when you want to change the state you’re in. You try to jump from feeling like crap all the way over to joyful and inspired, but it’s too great a gap and instead, you feel stuck, frustrated and resigned.

However, if you start to view your state from the perspective of a spectrum – a stateline – there’s suddenly room to move in either direction.

You really don’t have to stay stuck.

“Getting stuck is reactive, getting unstuck is proactive.” – Sherene McHenry

And if you do? There’s something powerful in realizing you have a choice.

That you’re not a victim of the circumstances. And you’re not at the mercy of your emotions.

Even if you only move to neutral, there’s a world of difference from where you began in your negative state. Taking that one step towards how you want to feel moves you in the direction of feeling better.

You now have a tool to explore the full range of whatever emotional spectrum you feel stuck in.

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” – Anais Nin

 

The Process:

Step 1:   Notice what negative state you’re in. What’s the emotion you’re feeling? Name it.

Step 2:   What’s the opposite, positive and desired feeling? Name it.

Step 3:    Notice where you are on the spectrum. Are you really at the furthest point on the negative side? Or are you closer to the middle, neutral ground?

Step 4:   What one action would move you towards your positive, desired feeling?

Step 5:   Go take that action.

When you learn how to pay attention to your states you empower yourself to choose, and feeling stuck can become a fleeting state of mind rather than a pity party over on the dark side.