Today, like most days, I pulled two cards to start my day.
My go-to deck of Truthbombs reminded me of something I’ve forgotten in the busyness of the past few months.
Freedom always follows truth.
And then, because it seemed I needed a second reminder, truth-telling came up in an interview, and I heard myself say how vital it is to my life and work.
Dear Universe, I got the message, loud and clear.
In that moment, I realized it was time to come clean, to tell the truth about what I want – now, at this moment in my life.
Not last year, not even six months ago. Now.
What I want might take a little ruthless compassion focused on the woman in the mirror. And it might take making changes to my schedule, stretching me out of my comfort zone yet again.
That’s the truth that’s been niggling at me, and also what I’ve avoided.
Because really, do I have to keep growing and expanding myself?
Yes, I do. I am clear that’s part of my work in this lifetime.
How do I know this is true? Because I suffer when I stop growing. I suffer when things become stagnant, routine, and draining.
And more importantly, I thrive when I’m challenged to grow.
It’s not that difficult to tell the truth.
Telling the truth feels so damn good. Have you noticed?
It’s the feeling of sweet relief; a kind of grace that washes over me, a balm to my soul.
If it feels so good, why don’t we do it more often?
Because no one wants to look bad.
“Hey there, let me tell you how I lied to myself and got through it.” – Said no one ever.
Sometimes, lying looks like not telling the whole truth, and then we rationalize it away because it’s not like we actually lied.
Except we did.
To ourselves, and holy fuck, there’s a wake-up call.
Wake up to the truth.
In that interview I spoke of forgiveness, and how it relates to self-compassion. It’s easy to get caught up in self-recrimination when we slip from our commitments, and veer away from the truth.
But what if instead we simply acknowledge what’s there?
No judgement, all love.
The truth is I want writing to be where I turn to work things out and create; not a sometime event linked to a looming deadline.
The truth is I want my business to reach more people; and I want that more than I want to believe the old stories about how it’s not possible.
And the truth is I love the busyness that sometimes gets in the way.
I love having my time and energy focused on projects and goals that will, in some way, change the world.
But that truth felt too big, too audacious, too fucking huge for me to admit.
The truth is I want all of this, and more.
And suddenly… sweet relief, and freedom.
No judgement, all love.